the shit

So I called up Corleone. I used the standard mafia protocol on the radio. I didn’t have to mumble anymore. I just talked in a low voice. Camila was the reporter. She transcribed everything I said. It was quite easy using the mafia radio. You see, Camila and I, we go very back. We go way back. Some say we go so far back, it’s unbelievable. The greatest accomplishment, however, was the time travel spaceship delivered to Alien Goddess in the year 0001 KB. You know, I once did a remix of a Fiona Apple song, of Paper Bag Kilo remix. For some reason, someone thought they could steal this from me and steal my other songs. I don’t know why they thought this was possible. They stole my laptop. They stole my gold cases. They stole my samurai swords. They stole some of my Zippo lighter collection. I wasn’t happy about it, but if it was my wife that took it, or my other wife… or other wife, or other wife, or other wife, or other wife, or other wife, or other wife, that would be okay. KG, VG, BG. And since I have so many wives, I’m not sure what they borrowed, as the Hawaiians and the Samoans call it. You see, I’m only okay if my wives borrow things from me, but if you’re not my wife and you borrow something, then somebody’s missing, don’t you think, Alien Goddess? You see, Alien Goddess has a time travel spaceship that I built for her. I have my own fleet and armada. She just wanted a single spaceship. She calls it the Behemoth of the fleet. She calls it Durga, D-U-R-G-A. It’s named after one of my ships in my fleet and one of my ships in my armada. There’s Durga 1, Durga 2, and Durga 3. Durga 3 is Alien Goddess’s ship. It was using this ship that Alien Goddess found Joker and Nightcrawler. They were having a good old time at the Mod Sizley cantina. You know the Mod Sizley cantina? It’s where the Mod Squad hung out. Who was the Mod Squad? Well, you just have to go to Prague to find out. Mod Squad was started in Prague. Yeah. They were jumping on a giant trampoline when the idea came to them. They had all taken one puff. Well, some had had more than one puff. And then when they got on the elevator, they went to the girls’ room. I don’t know why. I thought we were going to our room, but we didn’t. I don’t know why not. Must have been a mod squad thing. So anyways, you see, I have a lot of friends. You know, like, one time I was videotaping everyone walking to the game, no one said a word. Except Erika, she can’t ever not say a word, but I love her. She’s not my wife, but I love her. Not like that, but like, sometimes like that, but not like that. Anyways, you know how it is on the mafia radio, sometimes you get diverted. You know, sometimes you get diverted on the mafia radio. Where’d you go? Well, I heard there was a black Beatles spaceship. I got on board. You did? I’m glad you found it. That’s my spaceship. Where are you on there? I’m in an A-frame house on the beach. Remember the one you saw in Hawaii that disappeared? That’s where I live, in a Time Bubble, safe from everybody and everything, with my beautiful bitch, Yoko Ono. I heard you saw her convertible Beetle. The yellow one? Oh, I did see it. I did see it. And you know at the end, I did see her walking down the street. I don’t know if it was an image or real, but she was definitely in Hawaii. I saw those banyan trees. Yeah, I love those banyan trees. Man, I miss that place. I definitely miss that strip with all those fancy stores. Not that I like fancy stores, it just looks nice, you know? It’s nice to ride a bike down the middle of the street and not giving a fuck about the traffic too, you know, I’ve done with that. Oh yeah. You had a good old adventure over there, didn’t you? Oh, it was a great adventure, my friend. Hey, let me introduce you to Corleone. Hey, Corleone, this is this guy, let’s call him the Mr. Beetle. Corleone, you know this guy Corleone for real? Yeah, dude, he told me he owned a bakery when I was in Hawaii. I had just gotten to Moana Beach, you know, the end of time, beginning of time, you know, when the earth was first formed and then the sun rose for the first time over the cooled crust. Yeah, I was there. And then I left in my BMW and he called me. Yeah, it was like deep no time where I found him. He went so far back, I don’t even know how that happened. Or maybe he’s like someone who was a fake person who became a real person. I don’t know. All I know is he owns a bakery. Yeah. You wouldn’t believe what I found out later. I’ll tell you in the next part, maybe. Let’s see. That’s a good episode. I’m done taking a shit now.

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